Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Love: Selfish or self-less?

Love. Feels great. Someone there for you – just for you, ALWAYSor so we think.
Sadly, it may all go away.  Along goes your sense of purpose, comfort and joy. You curl up at home, reveling in your misery, becoming part of a cycle - afternoon to evening to night. Maybe tomorrow you’ll focus more on the sunlight than the bullshit that life suddenly has become.

Is love overrated? At times it feels so. But those who have been in love will beg to differ. I do too (although I’m yet to know if the feeling is real or just me fooling myself). I’ve heard many a person hating on love as accusing it of being a burden, a horrendous mistake and that it ruined them. Mine is not to make them see sense, but to express what I feel. This is simply cos’ no matter how hurt you get and how much you loathe yourself or the one that broke your heart, deep inside there’s a part of you that is thankful for all the good times. The good times that made you feel alive, like nothing else ever did. Also, there’s nothing quite as humbling as thinking you’re completely over someone, then realizing you’re not quite there yet. Not even close. 
And to add fuel to the fire, you see him /her having moved on and you are nothing but a figment of their memory. Many a time, you find yourself wondering whether you crossed their mind at some point. But you’d rather stay in doubt, than know for sure that he/ she did not think of you at all.
At times like these I wish I was a little boy again. Simply for the reason that all you had were skinned knees & elbows, which are easier to fix than a broken heart. Other times I feel that Love is a bitch. Pain is a whore. Misery is the motherfucker that dogs me day in and day out.
Another sad thing about Love is, either you love more or you love less, and the one who loves more ends up fucked, i.e. the one with the “selfless” love is fucked. Is this the case always? You tell me.

That brings me to my question.
Is Love Selfish or Selfless?
Looking at the mixed feelings aroused within me, I would say it is rather selfish. We look at how we feel after the separation. Do we stop to think how the other feels/ felt? Did we ever put our pain away and feel for the “ex” who may also be nursing a broken heart and picking up pieces of shattered dreams? Most often than not, we don’t. Is this not selfish?
Do we stay in love to make the other feel good or to serve our own vanity and needs? 
Let’s face reality. Are we in a relationship (mainly) cos’ he/she makes us feel great and not cos’ of how we “complete” him/ her? In other words no matter how much the other loves you, if the feeling is not mutual you are not going to be with him/ her right? Also when it stops making you feel good, you will be forced to walk away right? Or would you make the ultimate sacrifice and force yourself to stay in the relationship just for the sake of the other person? You would walk away right? Cos’ that would be the right thing to do. When it stops working for you, walk away. 
Whoever wishes to counter, be warned. You are lying to yourself and your best bet is to come out of the bubble that is the hindrance to reality, which may seem harsh, but then again, like I said, it is reality.
If love is great and selfless, why do we fall into it? We fall into a puddle. We fall into the drain. We fall into deep shit. Is it because we have unconsciously accepted that hurt and regret may inevitably follow? In which case it is possible to admit that love is selfless cos’ we fall into it regardless of all the negatives that may come to haunt us. We take the plunge into love, forgetting, for the moment, all the dangers of it. 
All that matters is the joy you share with that one special person. Nothing else matters. It seems that you have dedicated yourself selflessly to that one special person but remember - you did it cos’ it made you feel good/ complete.


  1. From what I have learned through life, love is nothing more than being able to give another important someone as much as you can, caring for them, standing with them all the way, when you're even willing to give your life for that other someone.
    Love is a genuine and deep feeling of caring for a person, when their problems become yours and their happiness fills you with joy.

  2. Thanks for the heads up on what "LOVE" is supposed to be...But this makes it look like charity work..You caring and giving without expecting anything in return?
    Another way of looking at it - would you give and care for someone if it did not in some way make you feel GOOD? I don't think so. No matter how you look at it, it all boils down to you and your happiness. What the other person feels will be a reflection of what you feel.
    Leaving all aside, if you have found such a person with whom you share a genuine selfless love, I commend and applaud you and wish you all of life's best and nothing less.

  3. i think u r a psychopath!

  4. Thank u... I was hoping for a more constructive criticism and an objective view of what I posted - but then again obviously that can't be expected of everyone right..You are pardoned!

  5. I pretty much I agree with Naveen.. he has a point.. we're in the 21st Century where everyone gets into a relationship for something. My opinion is that loving a person is selfish coz obviously you expect that certain person to love you back, be what you want that person to be to suit your taste and yet when it breaks off you hate that person coz you didnt get thatlove. It's truly selfish. J

  6. avajathaka balla! I fuck yo sister & yo mother

  7. jesus christ now isn't this the typical Sri Lankan style where a person doesn't have freedom of speech... Mr. Anonymous - AKA KARIYA ur doing ur respect a great job... shows how much perspective and respect you've got.. if you got a problem I'd advice that you stop instulting and look into getting some medical attention on the first spot..

  8. If you are a man, love is very selfish

  9. C'mon Sonali, cut us guys some slack (lol). It's not always the case, but then again I would daresay that men are more guilty of being selfish than women.