2011 – Something to look forward to, or simply a same ol’ same ol’?

It’s been awhile…anyways, glad to be back. Thanks for all the support and also the criticisms – constructive and whatever else that was thrown at me.

All the best for the New Year folks. I sincerely hope all your wishes come true, dreams are realized and all that is great happens to you so that come what may, the birth of 2012 will leave you saying – “Damn, I had a great year”.

Just the other night, I was sipping on my favourite beer, about to get ready to go to a friend’s place to bid 2010, goodbye. I was reminiscing about the year gone by and it suddenly hit me like a train. What the fuck? Although we’d all party our asses off this weekend, we’ve all got to get back to work on Monday and it is gonna be Same ol’ Same ol’. Same work, same colleagues and same old crap. Our resolutions are gonna be flushed down the toilet, dreams shattered and half way through January or February we realize that it is going to be a really shitty year. 

This thought just crushed my mood to celebrate. But, what’s interesting is the moment of “enlightenment” I had (yeah, yeah go ahead and laugh, but I swear it happened). I finished off the beer, listened to Sixx A.M (they are fucking awesome, I strongly recommend). Found myself listening to their hit single from 2008, “Life is beautiful” and it was done. My mind was clear. I knew what I had to do. Grab 2011 by its neck, devour the life out of it and have a great fucking year.

For some reason it all seemed to fall into place. Life as I know it is going to be great this year. And I must admit, it feels damn good. I am sure you can relate. 

I am going to be doing the following to make sure I get there…

Dream BIG – I know I do, and people laugh at mine, but then again a person who has no dreams, has nothing. At least with dreams you have a sense of where you want to be. Taking the first step to making those dreams a reality is another story altogether (LOL).

Do something new – I plan to do stuff that I never had the will to do before- stuff that I never thought of doing due to fear of trying, fear of change etc (and yes, I will complete my dissertation, which I have been postponing for umpteen months). This year will be different. I will keep you posted on these adventures/misadventures as and when they occur.  Doing something new, will also include stuff that you do on a day-to-day basis. Just try doing them differently or try to find ways of doing the same things, better. Trust me, it works and keeps your days challenging and something to look forward to everyday.

I know I sound like these wannabe “leadership gurus”, but then again try what I said, and drop me a line to tell me how it worked out.

Also thanks to my moment of enlightenment, I’m happy to say, 31^st night was spent with a few close friends and we bid solemn goodbye to 2010 and we had a heck of a time doing it. A lot of booze and cigarettes later it was 6 am (just like Sixx A.M – my current musical addiction) and we decided to call it a “night”, came back home and crashed. 

Now, reality hits, and we will all head off to work tomorrow (uurgghh). But then again I will try to walk my talk and make sure it that this year rocks! I do hope it will be the same for you too. Let me know how it turns out cos' I would love to hear from you.       

Love: Selfish or self-less?

Love. Feels great. Someone there for you – just for you, ALWAYS – or so we think.

Sadly, it may all go away.  Along goes your sense of purpose, comfort and joy. You curl up at home, reveling in your misery, becoming part of a cycle - afternoon to evening to night. Maybe tomorrow you’ll focus more on the sunlight than the bullshit that life suddenly has become.

Is love overrated? At times it feels so. But those who have been in love will beg to differ. I do too (although I’m yet to know if the feeling is real or just me fooling myself). I’ve heard many a person hating on love as accusing it of being a burden, a horrendous mistake and that it ruined them. Mine is not to make them see sense, but to express what I feel. This is simply cos’ no matter how hurt you get and how much you loathe yourself or the one that broke your heart, deep inside there’s a part of you that is thankful for all the good times. The good times that made you feel alive, like nothing else ever did. Also, there’s nothing quite as humbling as thinking you’re completely over someone, then realizing you’re not quite there yet. Not even close. 

And to add fuel to the fire, you see him /her having moved on and you are nothing but a figment of their memory. Many a time, you find yourself wondering whether you crossed their mind at some point. But you’d rather stay in doubt, than know for sure that he/ she did not think of you at all.

At times like these I wish I was a little boy again. Simply for the reason that all you had were skinned knees & elbows, which are easier to fix than a broken heart. Other times I feel that Love is a bitch. Pain is a whore. Misery is the motherfucker that dogs me day in and day out.

Another sad thing about Love is, either you love more or you love less, and the one who loves more ends up fucked, i.e. the one with the “selfless” love is fucked. Is this the case always? You tell me.

That brings me to my question.

Is Love Selfish or Selfless?

Looking at the mixed feelings aroused within me, I would say it is rather selfish. We look at how we feel after the separation. Do we stop to think how the other feels/ felt? Did we ever put our pain away and feel for the “ex” who may also be nursing a broken heart and picking up pieces of shattered dreams? Most often than not, we don’t. Is this not selfish?

Do we stay in love to make the other feel good or to serve our own vanity and needs? 

Let’s face reality. Are we in a relationship (mainly) cos’ he/she makes us feel great and not cos’ of how we “complete” him/ her? In other words no matter how much the other loves you, if the feeling is not mutual you are not going to be with him/ her right? Also when it stops making you feel good, you will be forced to walk away right? Or would you make the ultimate sacrifice and force yourself to stay in the relationship just for the sake of the other person? You would walk away right? Cos’ that would be the right thing to do. When it stops working for you, walk away. 

Whoever wishes to counter, be warned. You are lying to yourself and your best bet is to come out of the bubble that is the hindrance to reality, which may seem harsh, but then again, like I said, it is reality.

If love is great and selfless, why do we fall into it? We fall into a puddle. We fall into the drain. We fall into deep shit. Is it because we have unconsciously accepted that hurt and regret may inevitably follow? In which case it is possible to admit that love is selfless cos’ we fall into it regardless of all the negatives that may come to haunt us. We take the plunge into love, forgetting, for the moment, all the dangers of it. 

All that matters is the joy you share with that one special person. Nothing else matters. It seems that you have dedicated yourself selflessly to that one special person but remember - you did it cos’ it made you feel good/ complete.

A quick question...

“WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING THAT YOU KNEW WAS WRONG, IF YOU KNEW YOU WOULD NEVER GET CAUGHT?”

Think about it. Roll with the thought. Feel free to post your answer (IF YOU’VE GOT THE BALLS). If not, it’s all good. No one is judging. Certainly not me. Cause’ I do understand that YOU have your SELF-RIGHTEOUS MORALS to keep up.

But I ask you one thing. Stay true to yourself. Think long and hard about your answer to this question and I guarantee…YOU may be surprised…Who you thought you were may NOT be the real you.

Pet Peeves…

1. “Friends” who rub their noble and righteous side in MY face whilst knowing (and maybe having forgotten) that I know about their deep and dark dirty selves. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK?! Are they taking my value for discreetness for granted, as they conveniently forget that I KNOW THE TRUTH THEY HIDE DEEP INSIDE?
2. People who say “BORU KIYANNA ONE NAHANE” and start rambling about some shit that I’m supposed to believe. Most often than not they are lying. Please believe.
3. Men who fuck around and when it comes to getting married, seek a virgin? I mean seriously…WHAT THE FUCK’S UP WITH THAT?
4. Women who keep insisting that men are more likely to cheat than women, after marriage. Ladies… PLEASE.
5. Guys who bad-mouth women that they COULD NOT score with. Dudes, when you are unable to score JUST MOVE ON. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t hate on her because she didn’t like you. How about the time you did not give a second look at the UGLY CHICK who was eyeing you.

Moral Bankruptcy – Myth or Reality

“Do morals make us better people or are they shackles, preventing us from being true to ourselves?”

Looking back, I recall every time my parents or peers telling me that certain things (many things, if you ask me) should not be done or even thought of because they are immoral. It got me thinking. I mean, that basically means a significant number of things I want to do and features that make me, ME, are all classified as immoral. And it doesn’t help to know when your very parents brand you the BLACKSHEEP of the entire family. Now that blows.

Can anyone else relate? I know YOU can, but will you be kind enough (to yourself) to admit it?

Society, dictates how we ought to live. Isn’t this another way to simply bind us to a way of life which our forefathers preached many many years ago? I respond with a big FUCK YOU.

What did they know about the pleasures of life? How dare they tell us how to live?

I say, that those who insist on certain so-called moral values are the ones could not actually live out their fantasies and thereby resorted to vile tactics, hid behind religion and codes of conduct, and actually have the audacity to tell us what’s RIGHT AND WRONG. How fucked up is that?

End of the day, although man is apparently spiritually advanced and all that hyperbole, man has become his own worst enemy. Let’s face it. MAN IS YET ANOTHER ANIMAL. Sometimes better, but more often worse than our four-legged brothers. Isn’t it time we took a stick of dynamite and blew up this structure and went on to live our lives the way we see fit? Let’s live the way we want to. Do what (OR WHO) we want to do.

My question to YOU…

I

sn’t a moment/night of debauchery better than a night of loneliness fantasizing about things that you will not do because of what others will think?

The forbidden fruit….

From time immemorial, man has always been attracted to what eludes him. It’s been human nature to head towards the “forbidden fruit” (Eve, this one’s all on you).

Anyway, there’s this chick I dig. And the reason for my obsession is simple… she is totally fucking cool, loves Al Pacino movies (how many girls actually like Al Pacino in The Devil’s Advocate regardless of the fact that Keanu Reeves is in it), big fan of Usher (now this girl’s got taste), tough as hell, loves a drinking binge, “awe-fucking-some” in bed (yeah…she is –wait this should have been no. 1 on the list), likes grunge rock and last but not least she is spoken for (hence the forbidden fruit). Yeah yeah, she’s got a steady boyfriend whom she intends to marry.

Don’t judge us (I don’t have to say this cos’ if you are reading this blog you have already left your “judgmental self” at the door), we are only human… we chat late into the night, get horney online (she gives a mean performance on cam) and met up a few times at my place. The amazing thing is, although we sounded really nasty when chatting n all, when we met up it was quite different. It was not all “fucky, fucky” like we anticipated it to be. We drank, talked (a lot, even about ghosts) and basically hung out and of course fucked our brains out.

But the sad part is, once our “hang out session” ends we have to face reality, I mean I have to face reality. She goes back home, and will be talking to her guy and make plans to meet up with him the following day while I revel in my loneliness. I know it seems so easy to judge her but you shouldn’t. I’m not saying this cos’ I’m into her or anything, it’s just that most of us are much worse and in her case she has the “balls” to actually come clean with her guy, should we get caught. How many of us would do that?

Yes, we are attracted to each other like mad and YOU must keep in mind that attraction is not a choice – it happens. Love being with her, love her company, love the hot, sweaty n nasty sex, love the way she takes care of me (she even formatted my computer and re-installed software and all for me) but hate the fact that it’s all short-lived.

As I write, she is posing for me on cam, in some sexy lingerie (hats off to Midnight Divas, whom I’ve grown to love) and as a result I’m typing with an incredible hard-on.

The best part is she knows I’m typing this right now but wants to wait till I actually posted it, for her to read it, unlike others who would want to read it first before it gets published. Love her guts.

She did admit that I may go down as a crazy and offensive “wannabe blogger”, and I told her that I’d rather go down on her. It gets better – I told her that I would love for her to go down on me as I type this blog and you know what – she wishes the same.

She does have one weird habit though…laughing right after sex. First time, I thought “oh, fuck, she’s laughing at me cos’ I sucked”. I asked her about it and she admitted she does that cos’ she is delighted with the sex. That put a smile on my face.

Also she was wondering whether it’s a bad thing to moan loudly. I told her I loved it cos’ it was reminder that I was doing my job right.

We just made plans to hook up again though and I must admit that I do look forward to it. Anyone who dares to judge, just keep in mind that while “you’re judging we’ll be fucking”. And I intend to enjoy this while it lasts cos' once it's over, it's over, and life as I know it, may suck (at least for awhile).

A dose of sweet & sour anyone??!!

A minor CASE OF ALCOHOLISM…

Funny thing is, I’m writing this after downing a few shots of some cheap liquor. So if my thoughts seem slightly off the hook or off track, I DO NOT APOLOGISE.

Anyway, I was just wondering what alcoholism is, since few of my friends have accused me of being somewhat an addict to the poison…

As per conventional wisdom, an alcoholic/alcohol addict is a person who is totally dependent on liquor and would probably stop at nothing to get the liquor he craves. But if you scratch the surface you see a lost soul who is trying to drown his sorrows, at least temporarily. In other words, whether right or wrong, he/she has a reason to drink.

But what about the majority of consumers?

I’m just pondering over the fact that reality is, alcohol is all about moods. I mean, if you are happy, you drink; if you are sad, you drink. And the best part is that the quantities consumed rarely vary in proportion to your mood, which prompted you to drink in the first place. Simply put, the so called non-alcoholic is always guilty of drinking, most often than not, as a reflection of his/her mood.

I’m the first person to stand up and say, “drinking is great” but I have to ask, why has it come down to the fact that if you are going to “party” or simply hook up with your friends, alcohol is a prerequisite? Alcohol seems to be the driving factor in ensuring whether an occasion is a success or not (in many cases).

Does this mean that an entire generation comprises of slaves to alcohol but is turning a blind eye to that fact and just pointing fingers?

If you ask me, a person who drinks for a reason has to be on a higher pedestal than the majority who simply look for reasons to drink!

DISCLAIMER: Personally, I enjoy a good drink regardless of how I feel. I simply enjoy the buzz or drunken state that I get to, after a few (or many) “good shots” and I do know many who can relate but would never admit to this reality and point the finger at me accusing me of being “addicted”. But I love and cherish them nonetheless cos’ they do mean well.